i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
