It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize