Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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