K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
