Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
we're so committed to being not committed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
