In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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