I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
