i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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