Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
