I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
