Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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