champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
