i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
