she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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