He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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