These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
