also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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