He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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