yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My first STD was from a foam party
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
