im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
