can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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