He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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