He passed out mid-signature
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
