i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
