i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
