but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He shit in the fireplace
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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