Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
