did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
