i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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