can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
