dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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