You smell like stripper and shame
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
