Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
