Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
