Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
