its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So many bounce houses so little time
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
