I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
