This girl is more easily done than said...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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