oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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