So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
