Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The convent might be a nice break from real life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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