I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
