i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
