evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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