Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
