How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
