Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Randomize
