I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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