Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
