Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
