I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize