im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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