arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
