So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize