girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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