Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
