we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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