Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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