i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
