did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if only i could text you this smell
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
