Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
