dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
