The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
