Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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