I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She bit a glass in half.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
