Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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