and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
