That's intense
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
