i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
