i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
