Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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